Getting Over an Ex...

Having Troubles Getting over an Ex? Keep reading to find out how you can get over them in time...

Sometimes a relationship may come to an end when you’re not quite ready for it. Often this may make you feel sad and depressed. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. The problem is getting stuck in this mood and failing to move on.

The key to getting over an ex is accepting that it’s over and not dwelling on the past or lying to yourself that the relationship may still be saved even when the evidence suggests otherwise.

The mourning period

Allow yourself to grieve. Your mourning period will consist of several stages:

  • shock
  • denial
  • grief
  • anger

....And each stage will offer its own challenge but as long as you know that it’s necessary to get your life in perspective, you’ll be okay.

It is normal to feel that no one understands what you’re going through or to feel that you’re alone. But you will do well to accept the support of friends and family if offered.

And instead of hiding your pain by forcing yourself into a life of partying or throwing yourself in work, give yourself time to come to terms with losing the person you loved and recover – privately and quietly. This downtime is actually good for you and will actually make you stronger as a person. It will also give you time to reflect on what has just transpired.

However, don’t be too hard on yourself or ask yourself questions you don’t have answers to. But don’t make the mistake of dwelling on your sadness for too long as it can develop into clinical or permanent depression. Your grieving has to end at some point. Mark a date in future when you think you should be ready to bounce back.

Are there any lessons to be learnt?... A vital step in getting over an ex

Once you get over your shock, denial and anger, take time to reflect on the loss and see if there are any lessons to be learnt from it.

If you don’t learn anything from your loss, it’s likely that you will end up making the same mistakes in your next relationship.

Try asking yourself and answering the following questions:

  1. Was there anything I could have done to keep the relationship going? Usually you’ll find that there are things which you could have done but chose not to. Perhaps you didn’t compromise enough.

  2. Did I ignore signs from the beginning that the relationship wouldn’t last and held on longer than I really should have?

  3. Should I have laid down more structured ground rules from the beginning which could have helped avoid the break up?

  4. Were my criteria in choosing my partner wrong in the first place?

If you want an objective view, you could discuss these issues with people you trust and whose opinions you value.

But whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of asking yourself what’s wrong with you .There’s no lesson to be learnt in asking yourself that.

Getting out again

As you begin to recover, you'll start to feel more enthusiastic about life again. Although it may feel difficult at first, this is the time to re-enter your social circle. Be proactive and meet new people.

Getting out again might lead to you bumping into your ex, which can be traumatic. Don’t let your ex see that you are hurting. Keep your dignity.Say hi and move on. Don’t let the chance encounter spoil your fun or set you back in your recovery.

Take this time to do things you were not able to do while you were in a relationship and get in touch with old friends you may not have seen in a while.

If you can make the time, take up a new interest – it could be sport or volunteer work. Anything to keep you busy, help you mingle and network with other people is good at this stage.

Falling In Love Again

The is the final stage of getting over an ex. You will know that your recovery is complete if you can feel something for someone new without thinking about your ex.

But don’t make the mistake of rebounding into a new relationship when you know that you’re not ready. It can make your pain even worse especially since you’re likely to pick the wrong person seeing as your judgment will be clouded and may be emotionally vulnerable.

Moreover, it will deprive you of the positive effect of being alone for a while following the end of a relationship. Compared to someone who has had time to recover fully, you will not have the same renewed sense of empowerment.

However, if you do find love again, make sure that your new love is aware of what you have been through so that they may understand your reasons for being cautious. But don’t make it the center of focus as it may stifle your new relationship.

Getting Over an Ex is not easy, but with time you will heal and find love again. It is inevitable. Following the steps outlined above to make your process much easier a faster.

Remember that time heals everything...

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